Steven Wright!

As it is my birthday today I've decided to post something that makes me laugh everytime. And that something is anything by Steven Wright. Deadpan delivery of surreal, sometimes confusing oneliners. Like this:
STEVEN WRIGHT - LATE SHOW WITH DAVID LETTERMAN

Neb S.

: : : : :

A couple more from Steven:

* I bought some powdered water, but I don't know what to add to it.

* If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happen if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

* Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.

* Hermits have no peer pressure.

* If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?

* It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.

* The other day somebody stole everything in my apartment and replaced it with an exact replica... When my roommate came home I said, "Roommate, someone stole everything in our apartment and replaced it with an exact replica." He looked at me and said, "Do I know you?"

A whole site of quotes can be found here.