STEVEN WRIGHT - LATE SHOW WITH DAVID LETTERMAN
A couple more from Steven:
* I bought some powdered water, but I don't know what to add to it.
* If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happen if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
* Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
* Hermits have no peer pressure.
* If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?
* The other day somebody stole everything in my apartment and replaced it with an exact replica... When my roommate came home I said, "Roommate, someone stole everything in our apartment and replaced it with an exact replica." He looked at me and said, "Do I know you?"
A whole site of quotes can be found here.